Rhode Island 70.3

My pre-race bitching:

I first signed up for Rhode Island 70.3 because the timing was good for being after Eagleman and before Ragbrai. Thought it would be nice to get a big race in, and then relax into corn and porn in Iowa. Then details poured in, the race would be point to point, and then surprisingly, there was no information. It was odd as there was nothing more really posted than a couple maps of the swim, bike, and run courses and the possible need for purchasing tickets for a shuttle bus. A shuttle bus is never a good sign for a race.

Before I give too many negative points about the logistics of this race, let me say that the race itself was very challenging and the amount of spectators was unbelievable. It was pretty damn huge. I was impressed. I guess half of Providence came out to spectate. I do have to give some skid marks to some Brown students though. Those kids may be smart, but based on the ineptitude I saw of two different cars with Brown stickers on driving around, they might be book smart, but definitely street dumb.

What I can say about Rhode Island 70.3 is that they were really attempting on providing a top tier race, but they were so stuck in the details that they missed the bigger picture. Checking in took over an hour and a half. They might have underestimated that all 1700 athletes might want to check in on Saturday and they bottle-necked everything to two kids in a booth horsing around. I heard the line grew to 2 hours at one point in the day. They also went way overboard with the check in procedure, including a weigh in and a median income survey.

Then it got worse. Everyone had to pick up their packet, then drop off their bike at the swim start 56 miles away (meaning a 112 mile round trip). I'm sure everyone was planning on the typical 15 minute packet pickup, 15 minutes in the expo, and then an hour drive to the beach, and hour back, then kicking it for the evening. The two hour delay in packet pickup turned into a two hour drive to the beach because of traffic, then a two hour drive back to the race finish to drop off the running shoes for T2 (the T2 didnt open until late in the day, so you could'nt drop it off after packet pick up).

Liz and I had started our day at 9am and didnt get done until 6pm. We were the lucky ones. As we were wrapping up our day, other people were still heading down to T1 to drop off their bikes as they got really delayed by everything. I think the best solution to everything was just to have everyone drop their bike/run bags at the expo and then have a tractor trailer haul all the bikes that you would check in at the expo to the T1. All the racks are assigned anyways, so just throw the bikes down in the proper spot and drop the bag. It would have required alot less resources. Imagine 1700 people driving their cars 112 miles just to drop off their bikes. Even lets say that on the average two racers carpooled on the way down (some people had 3-4 people, some were singles, most were doubles, but lets say it all averaged out to 2). That would mean that a total of 95,200 miles were driven for this race. That's alot.

The morning off required a bus trip down to the race start. They were really inefficient in loading the buses. They would load one bus at a time and check tickets individually before getting on the bus. It took over a half hour at 3:30 in the morning, which is not a recipe for happy times. I think the best way would have just printed out Bus #6 on each ticket at it leaves at 4am. Find Bus #6, get on, hand in the ticket. Done. No huge line required. In the end it did work out and we arrived at the start with plenty of time, but it did create some uneeded worries.

The Race itself:

The swim was in a protected cove, so in theory it shouldnt have been bad. Today it was really windy and there were good 3 foot waves. The swim was the most difficult and challenging swim I had ever been in. There was chop, wind, and waves all at once. I had alot of practice in the chop of Lake Michigan, and this was a challenge, especially with salt water that gave you a bitter punishment every time you did something wrong when trying to breathe. I was lucking out on the swim because I was nailing the buoy line as the lead zig zagged the course for some reason. I actually ended up not too far off the lead at the end. What was really awesome though, was I caught a couple waves and surfed them in, totally dropping a couple guys I was with.

The bike started out with a little tailwind that pushed the average speed up to 26.1mph, but then it started going uphill and into the wind. The bike course was alot of rolling hills, a few climbs, and alot of turning. People were everywhere on the course camped out on their lawn chairs cheering. It was sketchy at times because there was traffic going in and out of parking lots, so I was always afraid of T-boning or getting T-boned myself. I did find myself amazed at how many traffic cones the state of Rhode Island had, as it seemed there was at least 20+ miles of coned off lanes. The last part into Providence was sketchy. There was high winds blowing me around everywhere, really bad roads full of potholes, and a crazy amount of turns. I seriously think I did irreparable damage to my bike on that last part of the course as I hit a ton of potholes and at one point knocked my chain off, which then got sucked into the frame and left a huge divet in the chainstay. (After the race, they guy next to me had his handle bars pointed straight down. I joked with him that he was in a REALLY aggressive position. He admitted that he hit a pothole so hard it knocked the bars down.)

The run was tough. I'm not sure I gave my all, as my legs feel pretty not trashed right now. There was huge climb 1 mile into the run that also came back at mile 7 on the two loop course. It was like running up a ski hill. The rest of the course consisted of long gradual ups and downs. My first loop was with Oscar Galindez (the men's pro winner) who was on his second lap. He gained two minutes on my within 4 miles. He was moving steady, but he seemed to only be slowly pulling away from me. I had been the 3rd amateur to come in from the bike, worked my way to 2nd amateur and was holding it. The second loop was rough. I felt sluggish and I kept on having to hold back mini-pukes (the "mukes"). At mile 10 I got zipped by a couple guys. One was 28, the other 31. Since the 30-34 had two waves, I could not tell if it was the earlier wave or mine. It didnt matter anyways, as I didnt have it in my to go with him. I tried, but there was nothing left. The finish was on the Rhode Island Capital steps and it was a very exciting finish. I ended up being close enough to the first amateur off the bike to be ahead of him due to the wave stagger, but the guys who had gotten ahead of me at mile 10 had taken me. I ended up 5th overall and 2nd in the AG. I felt I should have run faster, but again, it was a tough run course.

Overall, I felt the event has the potential to be a good event. I think there were growing pains to be worked out, but there definitely is support for it from the city of Providence and the state of Rhode Island. I personally feel that I probably won't put it on the race calendar for 2009 as the logistics were way too much for me. I prefer races where the race is the challenge, not getting to it. The good thing out of all this is Liz got a spot to Clearwater World Championships as a pro, which was a major goal of hers for this year. That was awesome!

ps. In case you were wondering, no, I did not poop my pants this time.

For the Love of the Ghetto Honda

I'm in Rhode Island now and I finally have enough down time to sit down and type for once. The day has been kind of hectic as the logistics for the race tomorrow were downright asinine. Let's just say that it's beyond the level of complication that a full Ironman would require, and it's only a half.


We have rented this huge, hulking, monster of an SUV for our trip here. Since we need a bigger vehicle to carry the bikes and luggage with, we usually require something larger than the typical mid-size sedan. The rental agencies lately have been more than happy to discount the larger SUV's and mark up the "cross over" (euphemism for station wagon) because customers want the one that does'nt burn a half tank of gas going to the grocery store when gas is at $4 a gallon. This one was the "premium" of it's day. Leather seats, heated mirrors, adjustable pedals, electronic keys, and I counted 4 sun roofs!


Back at home I have this crappy (let's really say shitty) Honda CRV that I had bought before the turn of the millenia. It's underpowered, wobbly suspension, stick shift, and that's pretty much it. It's also been in about a half dozen "incidents", most of which were not by me (Liz). It also has for some unknown reason, about a dozen chainring marks on the ceiling. It's not a pretty car. It's the kind of car I wished I had in college. I ended up buying a new cheap car in high school which sort of meant you had to at least try and take care of it. My friends all had cars that cost less than their bikes and gave two shits about what happened to it. I liked that. I sort of like where the Ghetto Honda is right now, where it's market value falls right under the value of one of my race wheels. It's awesome when you can triple the value of your car by putting your bike inside of it.


At home, we have this game that's played on the highway called "Speed, Cut, Stomp" that every insecure asshole loves to play. Basically the way it's played is you find someone that pissed you off for creating some perceived slight, then you SPEED up to just a little ahead of them, and then you deliberately CUT into their lane and STOMP on the brakes. I really havent played the game on other people, but I've seen other people play it, and I've been on the receiving end once or twice. The beauty of the Ghetto Honda, is that it doesnt follow the rules of "Speed, Cut, Stomp". The whole premise of "Speed, Cut, Stomp" is that the person on the receiving end is supposed to step on their brakes to avoid a collision. Not Ghetto Honda. It doesnt care about things like straight metal or paint. It tells the other car to "Come on in. Old Painless is waiting!" The Ghetto Honda leaves the game with damage that no one will notice and the guy who played the game (hoping you would have followed his rules) gets a $2000 need for a new paintjob on his shiny SUV.

So, the real part of the story is Liz and I are at the beach to drop off our bikes and go for a swim. I tuck the electronic key fob into my jersey and ride the coast for a good 20 minutes. We rack the bikes, grab the wetsuits and head to the beach. Maybe it was all the bikini's or thongs, or whatever, but I simply put my wetsuit on and jump in. Key fob included. Liz and I swim to a couple buoys, call it a day and head back to the car. I then realize that the key fob was still in my pocket. I fish it out and it's dripping water. Not good. I press the unlock button and nothing happens. Since this is the only way to use the car, the prospect of us getting screwed by this is pretty good.

I pop the fob open and see that it takes a normal watch battery and I quickly locate one at the bicycle mechanics tent. No luck. There was a real metal key intended for opening the doors in a "back up" situation inside the car, but since the doors won't open with the fob, we can't get to it. Furthermore, I don't even know if the car will turn on with the metal key because the only ignition socket I saw was for this key fob, that is obviously soaked and not working.

By some stroke of luck, I had left the sun roof slightly open (one of the four!) and we figure it might be possible to take a coat hanger or a stick and punch the "unlock" button, which would be just dandy at this moment. We start digging around for what we could find. Bike lock cable: no go, cardboard poster roll: no go, reaching in with our hands, hoping they would magically extend to the button: no go. Just then, one of our parking lot neighbors start giving us a hand with a 6" mobile phone antennae that is destined not to work, when he notices the car radio antennae is loose. He unscrews it and creates a good 4' stick that will reach the button. He tries it and gets close, but his hands are too big for the gap in the sunroof and the antennae is too bouncy on the button to do anything.

Enter Liz. Small hands. She creates a duct tape "finger" and wraps it around one end of the antennae, reaches in, and actually pushes the button. Twice. Nothing happens. Figures. Fancy car turned itself off. Then our parking lot neighbor comes up with an idea, use some clothes line, make a noose, tie the noose to the antennae, lasso the lock button and pull. Three attempts and he pops the lock. Great!!

As soon he opens the door, all the alarms go off. The key fob doesnt work, so it won't turn off the alarms. Pushing all the buttons relating to the car, and even putting the useless fob into the ignition doest do anything in stopping the alarm. The alarm goes off for at least ten minutes. Cops are driving by, our neighbor is calling the rental company to see if they know how to turn it off, and I'm punching the dashboard in a hopeless attempt to stop it. Then it stops. I don't know why, but it does. I hate car alarms.

I try the key fob in the ignition, and at least the car starts. Thank God. The fob still does,nt work to open doors though. What we did find out though, is if you used the metal "back up" key to open the door, the alarm starts going off. We did find out that if you started the car, the alarm stops. The problem though is the time between opening the door, inserting the fob, and turning the ignition, the alarm goes off alerting everyone that, yes, you are entering a car. The routine for the day has been doing a 1,2,3, Go! in a mad attempt to bust into the car and turn off the alarm. I'm at about 3 honks before I can turn it off, but most of the time it's alot more than that. On race morning, we have to get into the car at 3am while everyone else in the hotel is still asleep. That'll be fun.

I miss my crappy Honda.

Full House

Been rather busy lately, as the office prepares for it's big move into a new location. Tons of ambiguity, a huge lack of meaningful information, and tons of misinformation on what the moving plan is. I have my own secret plan shirking as much lifting/carrying duties as much as possible. They all assume since I work out everyday, I MUST be in great shape to lift heavy furniture and carry 45lb boxes of paper in each arm. I'm a racer, not a dump truck. Using me for moving is like using a Ferrari to carry a piano. Besides, my back is goes out on me like Paris Hilton on daddy's money.

So, this past week has been the visit of Liz's friends Beth and Ness. To be honest, I was really apprehensive about having to spend a week surrounded by women, as it brought back nightmarish flashbacks of my sisters' sleep-over parties when I was younger. The girls always took over the entire house, cackled and giggled the entire time, and did silly things like putting on make-up their face, putting on nail polish, and doing their hair, right before going to bed. I did try to talk Liz into letting move into my parents house for the week, but she pretty much convinced me that it would be just as a big nightmare for me as I would then be with my parents. Besides, Liz said that she would need someone to build bikes, and that was pretty much a clincher for me. The women arrived on Tuesday, and I found that both Ness and Beth were pretty normal people, not the nightmare I was expecting. Beth can really pound the Diet Pepsi like a champ. Ness had a pretty good sense of humor.

On Wednesday, the Elusive Red Bear called up, announcing that he was in Chicago and needed a place to briefly stay for the night. Beth and Ness woke up on Thursday, disappointed that they did not get the chance to see the Red Bear as he had left before they had awoken. They mistakenly confused Red Bear with the more easily seen Common Blonde Bear, as the Red Bear is nocturnal and extremely hard to find, hence the "Elusive" in it's title. The Red Bear is classified as endangered due to destruction of it's natural habitat, the Beerus Gardenius, and being poached for it's red pelt, as it's highly demanded on the black market. There has been unsuccessful attempts at pairing the Red Bear with the Bunnifer Bostonious, but it ended up being an incompatible species. The Red Bear was being sent to Vermont in hopes of spawning out there, and I was happy to have done my part of the conservation effort.

It was sort of funny, because on that Wednesday night, every room was occupied by someone sleeping in it, which I think is probably the first time in a few years. I admit, it was kind of fun to have people around and the first day that everyone left, it was rather quiet. Don't get me wrong, it was busy at times and I was forced to spend the nights in Liz's bed as she punched me the entire time because I was "breathing". It's always been fun to have other athletes around and I guess an athlete is an athlete, regardless of gender.